I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
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