Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
