I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
