How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
Randomize
