I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
