R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
After last night, I could never be a politician.
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
