Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
