There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
