I'm sorry my penis didn't work
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
Randomize
