She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Randomize
