I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
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