He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
Randomize
