ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
Randomize
