ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
We were destined to go to rehab together
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
