well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
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