True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
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