It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
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