I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
