3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
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