best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
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