Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
