I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
Randomize
