So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
be right there i have to get my cape
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
