It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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