new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
My pussy is not your playground.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Randomize
