He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
