I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
Randomize
