we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Randomize
