so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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