The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
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