you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
Everclear isn't food dammit
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
Randomize
