super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Randomize
