It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
