u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Randomize
