i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Randomize
