ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
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