Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
Randomize
