Your dad touched me again.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
