dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
