And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
I need to align my fucking chakras
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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