I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Randomize
