well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
You've changed since you got that strap on
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
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