I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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