I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
