im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
pray to the hookup gods
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
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