My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
Randomize
