i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Randomize
