Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
Randomize
