One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
Randomize
