DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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