Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
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