Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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