My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
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