one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Randomize
