woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
So many bounce houses so little time
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Randomize
